Derrick: Lately it seems our friends and family want to use our blog as a platform to express their feelings about situations occurring in their daily lives. Today, my friend (let’s call him Mike) wants to discuss a situation near and dear to his heart. He told Kelli and I that this subject is burning him up inside and He is willing to discuss this matter with THE BLACK COUPLE blog family.
Mike: Hey, how you fam?
Derrick: I’m good, Brotha. Now tell me what’s on your mind so heavy you want to ask our readers?
M: You know me, Derrick. You know how we were raised and what we were taught, so this is hard…
D: I understand Mike, take your time Brotha. I’m not Oprah.
(We both laugh)
D: What’s on your mind?
M: Last month…I found out my son was…well, gay. I haven’t gotten over it yet and every day I wake, I feel like I failed my son! I think about what events would’ve led to my son to be that way! I’m still in shock and when my wife told me, I cried for an entire day.
D: Do you still love him?
M: Yeah, of course. That’s my boy and he is apart of me.
D: I’m glad you feel that way! I’ve heard of men abandoning their sons after finding out their sexuality.
M: I can’t do that to my boy…but I’m at a lost for words and absolutely shocked…Shocked!
D: I know your son has lived with you his entire life, you never saw any signs?
M: I mean, I was around but maybe not enough. I’m willing to admit that. I didn’t notice anything too strange. He did hang around a lot of girls but he told me they were his girlfriends. I would never in my wildest dreams imagine Colin would like other boys, that shit sickens me to my stomach just thinking about it.
(long pause)
M: Derrick, you know how we grew up. Playing ball, chasing girls, and just doing things that boys do.
D: (laughs) I remember all to well, Brotha.
M: How would you feel? I mean, if you found out one of your son’s were gay?
D: I haven’t thought about it but I would have to pray that I could handle it. Kelli would be great, though! She has nothing but gay male, friends.
(Kelli laughs in background)
M: When Colin was born it was my proudest day on this earth, I pictured us playing ball together, watching sports together, and talking about women. You know how a man feels when he has a son. You are literally looking at a smaller version of you, the good and the bad. I believe in God and the Bible and it’s just not right or natural for anybody to be homosexual, man or woman. I wasn’t involved in my sons daily activities like I should have been but he did spend lots of time with his mom and his aunts and maybe that is the problem. Colin and I hung out a lot when he was younger but he began to gravitate to his mom as a pre-teen and I should have recognized that wasn’t natural. Most boys would rather hang with their dads…but you know my pride is hurt more than anything.
D: Have you talked to Colin since finding out about him being homosexual?
M: He has avoided me at all cost but we will talk when the time is right. He knows my position about homo’s. That’s probably the reason he moved in with his aunt. I can’t believe my first-born son is a “faggot” it’s just not right, men are put here on earth to be with women, raise children and have families, traditional families. Man, woman and child, not man and man. Thanks Derrick, but I’m done I don’t even want to discuss this anymore.
D: Ok, Brotha. Pray about it and call me later!
M: I will, man…I will…
(Hangs up phone)
Kelli: What’s he so upset about? So his son is gay! How does that affect him?
Derrick: You really wouldn’t get it. It’s man thing. So readers, what do you think about this one? What do I tell him? How do you balance being God-fearing with supporting and loving a gay relative? Is it possible? Are you contradicting your religion by loving them or can you do both?
Kelli: His son was born that way! He can’t help it! If our son was gay I hope you’d still love and support him!
Derrick: I don’t think we’re ready for this conversation! I’m not ready to think about this…
The Bible doesn’t teach us to stop loving anyone regardless of sexual orientation. We are to care about everyone and their souls. To be in disagreement with a person’s lifestyle never stopped anyone from loving someone they truly love. I’ve had family members on drugs and still loved them while telling them to get it together. I told them they weren’t welcome until they stopped using and behaviors that go along with using–stealing from my home, etc. But to stop loving them was not something I could do.
He never has to agree with his son’s choice of lifestyle to love him. He also doesn’t have to welcome any of his son’s future lovers into his life. I disagree with calling him names and treating him as less of a man or a human being. But it would be wrong of him not to share how he feels and what he believes with his son.
I would encourage him to stay in the Word and live the life God has given him in accordance to ALL the Bible. He should be just as disappointed at a liar or fornicator or gossiper, and forgive as he wants God’s forgiveness. Be honest and work through any prejudice or hate of gay people, which is not Godly, and separate hatred from a desire to follow the will of God.
His son will have to stop hiding and be a man and talk to his father as well, if anything of this relationship can be salvaged.
I agree with 2blu2btru! Just because he is gay and God frowns upon that doesn’t mean that he wants him to stop loving his son.
My cousin came out to my Aunt several years ago. She cried her eyes out. It wasn’t a shock to me or some of the rest of us because we saw it coming. Ofcourse she wishes her son were not gay but she loves him inspite of. His father also had a hard time with it but I think he fully embraced his son’s lifestyle prior to his passing.
As an adult he often sends money home to help out his mother, he lives a healthy lifestyle and he is by all accounts, A MAN!!!
I understand a man’s p.o.v when it comes to finding out that the boy you tried to raise in your image only better doesn’t want what it is believed all men should, a good woman.
What I think your friend has to realize is that although his son is gay, it doesn’t make him less of a man. He may still enjoy sports, playing ball, and all the other “guy things”. He simply loves differently!!!!!!!
Ofcourse, with anything that our children do which disappoint us, it will take him sometime to get used to. All he can do is love, support, and pray for him. Wishing that he was not gay will not change the fact that he is. Blaming himself and thinking that there was something more he could do will only result in further deteriation of their relationship.
He has to accept what he has been told and choose to love his son beyond his sexual preference.
I don’t think the is much you can say to him Derrick. I think you just have to do what good friends do, Listen!!!!!
As long as his love for his son outweighs his feeling towards homosexuality, he will find his way.
I’m gonna have to agree with the ladies. While I don’t agree with homosexuality, it still doesn’t change the fact that he is your son. The Bible never preaches for us to hate, only to love people in spite of their imperfections, whatever they may be.
And not to get into this debate but just because someone feels like they are gay today doesn’t mean they’ll feel the same way next year or ten years from now. Like the ladies say, you can show him that you love him without agreeing with his lifestyle.
Tell your friend to stay encouraged and let God take care of the rest.