What’s Your Scenario?

Posted on July 30, 2010 by The Black Couple

Derrick: Kelli and I thought we would have a little fun today since our site will be down over the weekend (I know, we’re crying inside too!) The communication breakdown between men and women can either provide you with laughter or tears and since nobody wants to cry on a Friday, we chose laughter! Here are some lighthearted scenario’s you’ve probably experienced where the break down between men and women is clear. Sit back, relax, read and laugh! Have a Happy Friday!

THE CLUB

He Thinks: I’m going to buy her a drink or two!

She Thinks: What a nice gesture and a nice guy!

He Thinks: Now I can follow her around the club all night and I own her! If she resists, she better at least give me 3 dances!

She Thinks: This fool is following me around the club! Oh no, he is crazy! I gotta try to escape but keep his pride in tact.

He Thinks: Yeah! She likes me Works every time!

THE BIG DREAMER

She Thinks: Let me call him even though 10:30PM is a little late.

He thinks: She must be feeling me to be ringing my d*mn phone this late!

She thinks: I wonder what type of guy he is. Plus, I’m kinda bored so I’m going to ask him a lot of questions!

He thinks: Great! Time for me to talk about myself! I’m sure in one or two weeks, tops, I’m hitting it!

She Thinks: Wonder if I should tell him I’ve been celibate for 5 years and won’t lose my virginity until I find my husband…

He Thinks: D*mn, no goodies unless I wife her. Wonder if she’s down to get married tomorrow…

WOMAN’S INTUITION

She Thinks: I’m bored and I miss my boo! I’m gonna call even though it’s after 10pm.

He thinks: This woman is going to ruin my family! Let me turn my phone on silent.

She Thinks: Guess he’s sleep!

He Thinks: Love being home with the wife and kids! That girl should’ve guessed a man as intelligent as me with a good job wouldn’t be free!

His Wife SAYS: Who’s calling this late? It bet not be another woman!

He thinks: D*mn she’s good, maybe I should tell her the truth…

He Says: Nope, a bill collector.

She Thinks: It’s cool. I know he’s lying. I’ll wait until he falls asleep and call that heffa back to tell him he has a wife!

DON’T WANT THE TRUTH

She Says: How do I look in this dress, honey?

He Says: You look nice in it, baby!

She Thinks: He thinks I look fat in this dress.

He Thinks: I think she looks fat in that dress. I’m going to start buying low-fat milk…

SEXUAL HEALING

She Thinks: He isn’t doing anything right!

He thinks: Can’t nobody lay it down like me! I’m exhausted, I know I put her to sleep! (rolls over, falls asleep)

She Thinks: Good! Now I can finish the job myself! (goes into closet, grabs her rabbit)

BOOTY CALL

He Thinks: It’s after 12am, let me call her and see what she’s doing.

She thinks: He thinks I’m just a booty call! Humph, let me pick up and tell him I’m not! (answers phone)

He thinks: I’m going to tell her what she wants to hear for twenty minutes and then go smash.

THEY: Do each other.

She Thinks After: I’m nothing but a booty call, I won’t give in the next time…

THE ADULTERER

He Thinks: My wife will never find out I’m cheating.

She Thinks: I’m going to follow him on my day off and find out if he is cheating with my coworker and friend because I KNOW he is!

He Thinks: She doesn’t know. Not a clue. I’m a smart guy!

She Thinks: Let me calm down, take pictures and act like I don’t know.

He Thinks: Why am I being served at worked?

She Thinks: Now I can go to this (beeps) house and whip her (beep).

Judge Thinks: He’s going to pay alimony and child support until he dies.

KOBE’S STEAK

Kobe Thought: Oooh! A young white girl!

She Thought: $$$$$$$$$$

He Said: I’m in the presidential suite! You should come up to my room when you get a chance.

She Said: $$$$$$$$$$$$

Kobe Thought: Love these dumb women who don’t speak as they drop their drawers!

Her 1st Word To Him? Rape!

Kobe’s Last Word To Her? Consent!

Kobe’s Wife’s Word? Divorce!

Kobe Thought: For that 1 night of pleasure I now have to kiss more ass than the office snitch and buy my wife a $5 million ring! Hope my other fellow, black athletes learn from my mistake!

Tiger Woods Thought: I would learn from Kobe but thank God I’m Black-a-nasian-eese-ite and that doesn’t count!

Our Good Friend TIGER

Tiger Thinks: I’m going to have 12 mistresses because I’m Tiger and Black-a-nasian-eese-ite!

Elin Thinks: This fool thinks I’M stupid so I’m going to check his phones, texts and voicemails!

Tiger Thinks: I’m going to have 12 mistresses because I’m Tiger and Black-a-nasian-eese-ite!

Elin Thinks: I’m going to chase his ass around the house and down the street with a golf club.

Tiger Thinks: I’m going to have 12 mistresses because I’m Tiger and Black-a-nasian-eese-ite!

Elin Thinks: Now I’m going to bust the windows out of his truck, knock Tiger the f#ck out, drag him out of the truck and into the middle of the street.

Tiger Thinks: I’m going to have 12 mistresses because I’m Tiger and Black-a-nasian-eese-ite!

Elin Thinks: This is great, now I can file for divorce and ask for 75 million.

Tiger Thinks: D*mn…I’m black!

Elin’s Thinks: What is the cost of spending your life spending Tiger’s millions while the world hates him?

The World Thinks: PRICELESS!

Got any other funny scenario’s about the communication lines between men and women causing nothing but trouble? Leave em in our comment box so we can laugh! We’ll miss you this weekend and look forward to seeing you bright and early Monday mernin’!!!! Class dismissed! (lol)

The Old Black Couple

Posted on July 29, 2010 by The Black Couple

Kelli: Derrick’s southern uncle and aunt called us last night, finally! Derrick had been trying to hit them up for a “project” (this site) on marriage and his family history. They have a strange marriage, they live in the same house but live opposite lives while sleeping in separate rooms. They say, however, they will never, EVER, EVER get a divorce. We had to pull teeth to get them to discuss this so open your eyes wide and read every word! (lol) For the sake of their privacy we call them James and Mary, The Old Black Couple:

Derrick: Hey y’all, how are things down in Georgia?! Thanks for returning my call to speak to you about this family project I’m doing!

Aunt Mary: They’re going baby and it’s no problem at all! We don’t mind helping our baby out with his project, not at all.

Uncle James: How much are y’all paying us for this interview?! Put the check in the mail! And you kinda old for a school project, boy. What you over there doing?

Derrick: It’s a personal project, you know. Just getting to know a little of my family history.

Aunt Mary: GOOD! I’m glad! James don’t be questioning the boy bout his project, you’re happy to help!

Uncle James: MMhmm, I’m just saying put the check in da mail! Put it in da mail!

Derrick: We will Unc but first I got some questions! How long have you two been married?

Aunt Mary: Baby, we been married for 33 years.

Uncle James: Feel like 50.

Aunt Mary: Don’t pay him no nevermind! We met in da high school back in 1974! I was a cheerleader and James was on the basketball team. When I first put eyes on him, I knew he was the man the Lord wanted for me to marry. He was tall, dark and handsome, whoo boy! I even told my girlfriends they betta leave him alone cause he’s gonna be all mines!

Derrick: Wow, Aunty, you havin’ a flashback, huh?

(Aunt Mary giggles)

Uncle James: We made a good couple back in those days, I tell ya she was my Georgia peach, sweet and mo sweet, ya understand what I’m saying there?

Derrick: Well, what I wanted to discuss with you two is how, when I was up there last, I noticed you two have separate rooms and lead almost two separate lives?

(Awkward silence)

Derrick: I mean, with so many people getting divorced now and days, do you think this separation is what’s allowed you two to stay together so long?

Aunt Mary: Well honey, we made a committment ’fore God and then to each other! I’m going to love my husband and never leave him no matter the circumstances.

Uncle James: She complain all the time ’bout how much I drank, how much I bet with my money, you heard that? “My money” and every little thing around this house but she’s the lady I stood ‘fore God and married so that ain’t changing, no matter how much I may be hassled!

Aunt Mary: You know you drank too much!! You know you got high blood pressure and the doctor done tole you if you keep on like that you fixin’ to put yourself in the grave! You a foolish old man but I love ya and you’s my husband.

Uncle James: Woman I’ve been drinking for 51 out of my 52 years on this earth and the good Lord has kept me around to listen to your naggin’ and will continue to do so…

(Interrupts)

Derrick: (Clears Throat) So, back to the topic! When did you two realize it was best to sleep separately?

Aunt Mary: Back around 1998-1999, I remember it like it was yesterday, James come home from a rough day at da plant and I try my best to cheer him up-n-all. I cook his favorite dinner, ranned his bath water early but he kept ignorin’ me! I thought he would get back in good spirits but, no, he stayed upset.

Uncle James: That was the day I was fixin’ to put my hands on this ole cracker at the plant and the manager got upsets wit’ me. I said to em, “Stay outta grown folks business before I make you headline news.” So I comes home and felt that I needed to be free! I went upstairs and took all my clothes and thangs and put them in the back room! Tole Mary I was sleepin’ back here from now on cause I needed my freedom!

Aunt Mary: See honey he don’t think about nobody but himself! I don’t like it but I gotta stand by my husband like da Bible say, for better or worse. He lookin’ for HIS freedom like I done already found MINES!

Uncle James: This the way the Lord needs for thangs to be ’round here! I love her more than life but this the way I’m runnin’ my castle cause THEY fixin’ to overtake my throne! She ain’t going nowhere and I ain’t going nowhere until the good Lord takes us home.

Derrick: Unc, will things ever go back to the way they were?

Uncle James: I imagine one of these days but Mary spend so much time in church and at Bible study she ain’t got time for me anyway.

Derrick: So you want her to spend less time at church and Bible study?

Uncle James: Exactly! I believe in my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ but I don’t believe in the church folk or that no good Reverend! He came up with us and now he holier than thou.

Aunt Mary: All I can do is pray for your Uncle and hope the Lord deliver James and all that he has inside! I gots to go, my dinner bout to burn! When you and Kelli getting married! That SHOULD be you next project cause the Lord is watchin’ and he don’t like y’all living in sin! (cackles)

Uncle James: Yeah y’all talk about THAT and not my drankin’!

End of Interview.

Derrick That was the most interesting interview I’ve ever been apart of! (laughs)

Kelli: Well, that’s what happens when you decide you wanna play Al Roker! What y’all make of this situation? Is Uncle James wrong for sleeping in another room from his wife? Should Aunt Mary spend less time at church functions and more time with her man? Let us know (looks down at comment box!)

I Ain’t Kill Chivalry

Posted on July 28, 2010 by The Black Couple

So, Derrick got very upset at me last week.

I was in the house, enjoying my day off with my son when someone knocked on our door. I looked out the peephole and saw the cutest little girl looking up at me. Sure she must be lost, I opened the door and she proceeded to attempt to walk in! Laughing, I told her she must have the wrong house when I heard a heavy African accent telling her to come back! Our neighbors are African so I assumed she belonged to them and went to close the door when a voice asked if Derrick was home. I looked down to see one of my boyfriends good friends at the bottom of the steps. I told him he wasn’t and how cute his daughter was! He said thanks and asked if he could charge his computer at our house because we had the same type of laptop and his cord wasn’t working.

I immediately called Derrick, telling him his friend had come to look for him and needed to use our computer. Derrick sounded a little upset and asked me if I minded his friend showing up unannounced. I said it was alright and allowed Derrick’s friend to come in! We had a great conversation about running websites and when his laptop was done charging, he thanked me and left.

When Derrick came home, he “schooled” me on some supposed rules that a woman who’s alone, should follow. He felt that when I saw the little girl, I should’ve kept the door closed and if his friend knocked on the door, I should’ve acted like I wasn’t home. Granted, I do not know his friend well at all but Derrick speaks of him highly so I assumed it would be okay. I honestly found his rant silly and when he told me to never even let in a cable man without his consent, I became irate! Seriously, I’m not an idiot and I’m not going to run off with the cable man. I can pump my own gas and take out the trash without waiting for him to do it because sometimes he doesn’t do it when I’d like it done, ya digg! (lol)

So you can scroll down and hear him out but this begs the question, if his list is about male CONTROL or ETIQUETTE. I’m single-mother born and bred so maybe I am killing chivalry but how am I supposed to know? I was raised that I’m capable of doing anything a man can, does that make me less of a Queen or more?

Chivalry? Ain’t That Dead?

Posted on July 28, 2010 by The Black Couple

Last week, Kelli committed some of the cardinal sins of dating! I assumed she should’ve known better but I realized (when she told me) that she didn’t have a male role model to teach her the things she’d done was wrong.

When I called Kelli to check on her and our baby, she told me that one of my boys was at our apartment! She said she’d opened the door and saw a little girl and wondered what she was doing by herself when her father, one of my friends, appeared and asked if he could use our computer.

She made two mistakes that I bought to her attention.

1. NEVER let anyone in our house whom you didn’t know was coming! It’s common courtesy to call a person before you come!

2. Do not have another man in my castle when I am not home. Although me and my boy are cool and I trust him, you NEVER know what people’s intentions are.

Many of our fatherless women have no idea of the things a woman should never let a man do! This is why chivalry is a word the next generation may have to look up in the dictionary. Whether you’re single and looking or already in a relationship, here’s yet another minimal list of the etiquette that should occur between women and men:

1. If you and your man live together you’re not supposed to allow another man to be in his house without his permission! As the King of my castle, the man should be there with his Queen (of course not all the time).

2. If anyone shows up at your home unexpected, unless it’s an obvious emergency, do not answer the door! A friend of mine once learned this the hard way when her boyfriend’s cousin, having just shot two dudes, arrived at her house like he was just there to visit and the police showed up and surrounded the house treating them both as suspects! (True story!)

3. If you are home and a maintenance man or cable guy or someone of that nature comes to fix something, you let them know your man is on his way or you call your man and talk to him while they are there. If you’re unable to get in touch with him for some reason, call a girlfriend! I know a few women who’ve been propositioned by guys who were doing some type of paid service in their home! (Total disrespect).

4. A woman should NEVER take her car to get washed, oiled or changed! If you have a MAN, this his responsibility. Ladies, please tell me why you’re paying for and pumping gas when you have either a man in the car or a car full of teenage boys who should be doing it! (This ain’t cool!)

5. Ladies, when you’re walking down the street the man is supposed to be closest to the street! An old-timer taught me this rule because you never know what may jump the curb or try to jump you! It also implies that is not your woman and she is available (an old saying). Also, make sure he holds and open doors for you! At all times!!!!

6. A man NEVER sits with his back to the door! Never, ever, never! What if someone were to come in and rob the joint! It’s his job to always be watching for trouble so he can save you. That’s how Kings treat their Queens!

Sisters, you have two choices in how a man will treat you. You can either be a Queen or a peasant! Granted, some of these boys out here don’t know these rules but you have to TEACH them! When that little fool pulls up to your house and honks the horn, you better refuse to come out and tell him we can try again next week when he knows your worth! Men will only treat you the way you allow them to. I’m just saying, though…chivalry is only dead because these independent, “I don’t need a man” women no longer feel they need it…

To Go Up North or Stay Down South

Posted on July 27, 2010 by The Black Couple

civil war soldiers1 300x290 To Go Up North or Stay Down South

While I was in the barbershop yesterday, one of the barbers, who’s originally from North Carolina said, “Man, Sista’s from up North just don’t compare to Sista’s down South!” That statement bought the shop into a frenzy as Brotha’s began to either agree or disagree. When they looked my way and asked, “D, what do you think?” I replied ” I have to go with the Sista’s down South!” We began a debate that while friendly, got heated!

The Brotha’s in the shop decided to be quite meticulous about what states comprise the South and the North. We decided the North starts in D.C. and stops in Massachusetts ( because we all know there aren’t too many Black folks in N.H, Maine and Vermont) and the South begins in Virginia and wraps its way all the way around to Texas. We also broke our Northern and Southerly Sista’s into 5 categories.

1. Approachability and Attitudes

It was almost a unanimous decision that the sista’s down South were easier to approach because they have less attitude than the women up North. A Sista down South meets a Brotha with a smile and a nice hello while up North Sista’s look at you like, “Are you talking to me? I have business to attend to, so you better keep it moving!” We also attributed the differences in attitudes to the differences in environments (i.e. up North is full of big cities where folks tend to be less friendlier and more in a rush, while down South there are more rural areas and folks tend to be more friendly and hospitable).

2. Family preparedness

Again, we agreed the Sista’s down South seem more prepared to start and raise families because the majority of the women are raised in a tight, family structure since birth. I can attest to my family in New York, N.J. and Baltimore having infrequent family activities while my visits to see family in Georgia and South Carolina are full of “fish fries” and “cookouts!” Sista’s up North are more independent, seeing family as a secondary option to their careers which isn’t a completely bad thing. Their independence gives some of them the mentality that if they have a man and he stays around, great, but if not, I will be all right by myself. I have a cousin down South who, if she lost her man, wouldn’t have a clue of what to do! She depends on her other half to a fault.

3. Cooking

I think we all know who takes this category! While I personally know Sista’s up North who can throw down in the kitchen, overall, food is usually better prepared by a woman with that Southern touch. One brother in the shop said, “My wife is from Georgia and the first time I tasted her food it tasted better than my mammas and I said to myself , this woman is going to be my wife! We’ve been married now for 12 years and I haven’t missed a meal in all that 12 years!” The entire barbershop burst into laughter.

4. Sterness

We factored this in because brothers had come to the conclusion, earlier that women down South are nicer and less confrontational while the ones up North take less BS (lol). Brotha’s from all angles stated that, they enjoyed the Southern woman’s charm, they, also, needed a woman to check them at the door. One dude said, “my fiance is from Philly and she don’t take no sh#t from me and I love it!” He said he’s dated a few Sista’s from down South during his military days and he’d run roughshod over them and he couldn’t do it anymore! We concluded Sista’s up North take less sh*t than women from down South and that sternness can be VERY attractive and necessary.

5. Physical features

We had to throw this one in or we wouldn’t be men! One brother blurted out, “I went to visit my brother in Mississippi and every Sista down there had ass for daysssss!” (We had brothers running around the shop laughing after that statement.) Black women all across the map are beautiful but the consensus is there’s something in the water down South causing booties that are leaving brothers dumbfounded!

This was just a post is all in fun so don’t take this too much to heart, ladies! Brotha’s love our Sista’s from sea to shining sea but Southern women have that little something (well, sometimes an EXTRA BIG SOMETHING) that NO ONE can compare to!

Love you yet and still, Kelli! (lol)

booty implant To Go Up North or Stay Down South

Black Male Replacements

Posted on July 26, 2010 by The Black Couple

snoop Black Male Replacements

Derrick: Recently, I bumped into an old friend and asked her how she was doing. She said she was fine and inquired about what I’ve been doing lately. I told her I’d recently started a blog with my girlfriend and we discuss Black relationships between men and women. She asked, “What about women and women?” and laughed. I joined in, a little uncomfortable at where the conversation was heading and she told me that she no longer dates, “No good men,” and has a girlfriend. I replied, “Do you know how many men are going to be mad in our old neighborhood when they find this out?” She laughed and said, “I’ve been hurt by so many of games men play and my new mate has treated me better than any man EVER has!” I was astounded but told her that I support whatever is making her happy! We began a deep conversation and I asked her if it would be alright if my girlfriend interviewed her for our blog. She said yes as long as we didn’t put her government name in the street, so we’ll call her by her childhood name, LaLa (no connection to Carmelo’s wifey…lol)!

Kelli: I wanna say first, thank you for allowing us into you personal life! I’ve had a lot of friends decide they would prefer to mess with women instead of men but they all refused to go on record for me!

LaLa: Yeah, I think it needs to be talked about! I’m happy with my girlfriend and I would encourage all African-American women to try it! These men out here really ain’t bout nothing and all the games could be saved if you decide to try someone who really thinks like you do!

Kelli: I want to ask if your girlfriend is what’s considered a dominant? (A “Dom” aka dominant woman often dresses and plays the role of the male while the “Fem” aka Feminine woman is the girl.

LaLa: Yes she is and she’s more man than any man I’ve ever dated! She handles her responsibilities in our home and NEVER leaves me to do all the work like my past relationships with men!

Kelli: Tell me about your past experiences with men that cause you to be so hostile toward them?!

LaLa: Girl, the question is, what HAVEN’T I experienced! Men cheating, constantly, consistently! Lies, lack of responsibility! My child’s father does NOTHING for our daughter. He’s out spending his money on other women while my girlfriend makes sure my daughter eats and has clothes on her back! I got to a point where I felt I deserved better and I was willing to find an alternative! I think black women lock themselves in a box and feel they HAVE to date these no good Negroes but ladies, there’s something else out there for you!

Kelli: So when your daughter gets older, would you encourage her to date men or women?

LaLa: If she decides to date men I would just school her on what’s real. Men play games, they just want sex and they’re not worried about who you are inside! If you have a baby, YOU will take care of it like I did you. If she dated a woman, I’d support her and let her know that not everyone will support her choice and she may lose friends because of it. ESPECIALLY if they’re religious. Either way, you’re going to have issues.

Kelli: If you and your mate broke up, would you be open to meeting men?

LaLa: Yeah! I mean I grew up imagining I would settle down with a good man and have a family, you know? It just seems things ain’t going like that. These men wanna tell you whatever and when things go south, they’re gone too. If me and my girl were to break up, I’d have no issue if a man came up to me but he better be just that, a man cause I’m tired of games.

Kelli: Did you know your father?

LaLa: Hell no, girl you probably know him better than me! If you see that fool, tell him I said, “Two tears in a bucket…” You know the rest!

Kelli: I’ll do that (lol). Thank you so much for chatting with me, is there anything else you’d like to say before we end the interview?

LaLa: Yeah, girl if your man ain’t stepping up to the plate, there’s always a GIRL waiting in the wings. Don’t limit yourself cause times is changing and these men out here are being bred to do as they please!

Kelli: I’m very happy LaLa shared her feelings as openly as she did! I think we need to discuss how women, fed up with dealing with men are turning to “Dominant Females” to fill the role. What happens when the Black man is replaced by a woman? We talk about Black boys having no one to show them how to be men but what about when WOMEN don’t have a male role model so they become the change they want to see? Fill up the comment box! (lol)

Marriage Counseling Is For White Folks

Posted on July 25, 2010 by The Black Couple

Derrick: Friends of ours, Troy and Monique (names changed for the safe keeping of identity!) insist they have a decent marriage but they have one major problem and they refuse to go to marriage counseling (cause that’s apparently only for white folks…smh). They would like to discuss it on today’s blog and get some feedback. Kelli and I give them the floor to express their issues:

ear0913l Marriage Counseling Is For White Folks

T-Hey everyone, I’m 28 years old and my wife, Monique and I have been married for 3 years. I love my wife and would do anything for her but over the last year, her mother has been in the middle of our marriage. She manipulates Monique to come at her beck and call and I am tired of it!”Monique-”Hello Black Couple Blog family! (laughs), I’m Monique and my husband is jealous of my relationship with my mother.

T- I’m not jealous! You spend just as much time with your mom as you do me! I married you and you only. I respect your relationship with your mom but as your husband I feel like you’re putting me second to her.

M- Jealous, jealous, jealous that’s all that is.

T- I’m not jealous! I’m getting frustrated…and maybe a little lonely. It’s like, when I get off from work, I want to come home to my wife and my wife only! So you and I can spend time together. Not just when we’re going to sleep neither. I get home and either your mother is over our house or you’re over there!

M- You know my mother and I are close and have been even more so, since my father passed away.

T-I understand but your sister and mom are tight too! THEY aren’t hanging out every other day like girlfriends! Your is with her husband and kids, taking care of home, unlike you.

M-When we have children I will act accordingly! How dare you say I don’t take care of home!

Marriage Counseling Is For White Folks

T- Well you ain’t taking care of me so it’s not making feel ready to have kids neither! I feel like it’s a package deal, you and your mother and it didn’t used to be this way. I think your mother saw her life without anyone around and began to incorporate you into everything she now does and since you feel guilty, you run at her beck and call. She knows you will come at the blink of an eye and your sister won’t.

M-My mother has been there for me all her life and she just needs someone to spend time with, it boggles my mind that you don’t get that!

T- Well, help find her a man! If I have to compete with your mother then I should move on because you’d rather be with her than me. I’m your husband and I;m SUPPOSED to come first but obviously you nor your mother respect that.

M- How could you say that! I love you and I love my mom why are you trying to make me choose sides?

T- Choose sides? We chose EACH OTHER when we got married. There shouldn’t be a choice!

Kelli: Ok, ok, y’all this is not Divorce court, we’re supposed to be working out our issues! Imma save my humble opinion and let the readers give you some advice cause the Lord know Derrick and I aren’t married! So tell them, what should they do to save their marriage? Is Monique spending too much time with Mama or is Troy acting jealous because Monique is trying to help her mother over come a loss…that we should mention happened five years ago…

You tell us!!!!!

The Black Boogie Monster

Posted on July 24, 2010 by The Black Couple

tyrese 2 The Black Boogie Monster

Kelli: My first date with Derrick is the most memorable date I’ve ever experienced! I’d been fed up with dating any man from Baltimore. I’d had my fill of “Baby Boy’s” pulling the following:

First dates consisting of Video games at his cousin’s house (really wish I was lying.)
First dates consisting of walking around the mall and when I got thirsty and hungry, the guy looked at me like, “Me too, got any money?”
Being tricked/forced into paying for dinner with, “I forgot my wallet,” “I don’t get paid till next week,” “Well, I tried to ask my mom for a couple of dollars but…”
Wearing wonderful outfits to have the male say, “Let’s just go back to my house…” “Negro, I don’t know you!”
Going to get chicken from the corner store…umm..this is not a date you cheap fool!
Got into the car and dude was watching TV. When I inquired about what he was watching he replied, “You don’t wanna know.” Awkward, but I pressed the issue. His answer? Porn! Yeah, got out of that car immediately.
Last but surely not least had a guy’s car break down five minutes away from my house! Boo.

So it suffices to say that when Derrick asked me on a date I was not excited at all! I was waiting for some tomfoolery or mayhem to occur. He said we’d be leaving by eight and he warned me that he liked to be on time…Yeah, right! So I’m just beginning to get ready at 7:55 when I hear my phone ring. Derrick says he’s here and ready to go and he’ll meet me at my door to walk me to his car. Umm, excuse me *cleans ears* can you repeat that? Realizing I now needed to maybe have on an actual date outfit and not casual wear, I raced to my closet to get ready in five minutes. Promptly at eight, I heard a knock on my door and was escorted to his car. Reaching to open my own door, he gave me a dirty look and said, “You don’t open a door when you’re with me! Open doors for ladies, never shoot if I see a baby!” (This is a phrase he says EVERY SINGLE time a woman tries to open her own door in his presence…lol). He opened my door and held my hand as I got daintily in the car! I was feeling like a woman! (lol)

He took me to a restaurant downtown and asked if I’d like him to drop me in front of the restaurant door so I didn’t ruin my heels walking downtown. Umm excuse me *cleans ears again* are you speaking to me? I replied that the walk was good for the calves but you ladies know I wanted to show off my man! I was TOO excited as he walked me toward downtown Baltimore, holding my waist to make sure I didn’t trip and to top it off, he insisted HE walk by the street so that if a car careened off the road, he would die first. Now if that isn’t romantic I don’t know what is! (lol)

By this point, he could’ve taken me to get a slice pizza for all I would’ve cared but he didn’t. He took me to the Cheesecake Factory remembering how in a previous conversation I’d mentioned how ALL my friends always talked about the restaurant but I’d never been. He said, “I figured I’d get the pleasure of being the first to break you in.” Now I was quit nervous. While the Cheesecake Factory is no french cuisine, I was very aware of the meals being a little on the pricey side, so I prayed this wouldn’t be one of the dates where I got stuck with the tab! As I opened my menu Derrick encouraged me to order whatever I wanted and didn’t flinch when I ordered the Shrimp Scampi which was around twenty dollars. He told me I’d made a good choice and ordered the same thing.

We talked for, what felt like hours and when it was time to leave, I realized the sound of his voice had drowned out all the background chatter. I’d thought the only two people in the place were him and I! The waitress came with the check and Derrick told her what a great server she was and tipped her above twenty percent! This may not mean much to some of you but as an actress who SEES the lousy tips some Black men leave for great service, I was further in awe! We then went for a stroll by the water and had some ice cream. Simple as all this may seem, it felt like a breath of fresh air to me! The man even asked me if I wanted to bring back something for the people in my house and he’d pay for it! *Cleans ears* Say what?

I tell this story to give an opener to Derrick’s conversations with a lady at work who’d had terrible dating experiences and was shocked when she encountered a man with *gasp* manners! Derrick said he didn’t feel he’d done anything too spectacular on our first date and actually wished he would’ve taken me somewhere more expensive. He didn’t seem to understand what a big deal everyone made out of what he felt should be the norm. But it’s not, now is it, ladies? Education, articulation, fashion on forward, it’s STILL hard to meet a man who know how to treat you on a date! I felt like before Derrick, all I kept meeting were “Black Boogie Monsters” trying to get me under their bed! I often wish I would’ve had a father to teach me the things to take and not take from men because I wasted a lot of time…

nightmare boogie The Black Boogie Monster

The Black List of Black Dating

Posted on July 24, 2010 by The Black Couple

Yesterday, I overheard a young lady talking about her first date with a new guy. Smiling ear to ear, she discussed how he’d taken her to a beautiful restaurant, with candle lit tables, a live jazz band and footed the bill. She seemed surprised and elated her date had went so well. I thought to myself, “That should be the norm for any woman on a first date, I wonder why she’s acting like this is a big deal.”

I approached her as my shift came to a close, and admitted to overhearing her conversation and being confused. Don’t most men use the first date as the chance to make a big and lasting impression? Well, apparently I’m outta the loop because as she began discussing her past dating experiences, I was astonished! I called Kelli and told her of the discussion and she strongly agreed, adding in some of her own personal dating disasters.

Thanks for allowing me to overhear your conversation and inspiring today’s post Ada!

bad date The Black List of Black Dating

Here’s a brief list of her dating blunders:

1. Men who take no time or effort to pick out a nice restaurant.

2. Men who invited her on dates and asked her to pay the tab. (really, fellas?)

3. Guys who have terrible table manners i.e (placing their order first, not pulling out her chair before or after eating, not engaging her in relevant discussions, and talking about themselves solely the entire night, to name a few).

I briefed her and explained every date (but especially the first) should be a pleasurable and memorable experience. I told her she shouldn’t feel shocked at how this man treated her on their date because she shouldn’t expect anything less! Let your wonderful date now set the bar for any future dates because wonderful, is what they should ideally be.

Ladies and future Gentlemen here are my golden rules of etiquette for dates. I think because a lot of our youth are missing out on a strong father figure to guide them on the delicacies of dealing with the opposite gender, somebody has to school these youths on how they SHOULD be treated and treat each other:

1. A great location! A decent and respectable restaurant, jazz club, or establishment should be first on the agenda. If you’re broke, BE CREATIVE! A park or a late night stroll. McDonald’s and KFC, I repeat, McDonald’s and KFC just don’t count.

2. If he drives he BETTER NOT beep his horn for you to come to him like a trained dog or animal! He should call and if, not invited up to the apartment to wait or meet you family, (If your under 18, your date really should meet your family. This ensures safety in case something goes wrong and common courtesy to you parent/s) he should at least meet you at his car and open your door. If he doesn’t drive and you have to take a cab, he pays the fare! If you’re both broke, he should pay cab fare the first couple of times and then say, “Baby, you know I’m in school, yada, yada, can we split the fair until I’m on my feet?”

3. Do not go to a private location on the first date: (some secluded park, his house or yours, his friend’s house with the jacuzzi who is out-of-town, you get my point). You want to allow yourself to observe him in a public setting ESPECIALLY if you don’t know him that well.

4. Expect him to open and hold ALL doors that you enter and exit. It’s what a man has to do! Period.

5. Expect him to pull out your chair when sitting and departing the establishment. When placing orders, he should give you the honor of choosing first.

6. If he talks about nothing that holds your attention (red flag) and/or himself all night (red flag) exit the date AND DO NOT ANSWER HIS CALLS OR REQUESTS FOR ANOTHER DATE. Sometimes a man has to be rejected before he’ll get the hint and change for his future dates. See if he takes an interest in what you are doing or what you are involved in because if not, there is no future.

7. Last but not least, HE MUST AND I REPEAT HE MUST PAY THE BILL. If not, this should be your last date. Ladies if you know a Brotha is struggling but he’s really trying to afford something he can’t, feel free to pay the tip! This will show HIM you’re understanding to his situation and appreciate his effort!

What do you do The Black List of Black Dating

These are just a few rules and please use the comment section to add a few of your own! The ultimate goal of a date is to talk about it to your friends with lot’s of POSITIVE things to say! We have to show our boys how to be gentlemen and girls to be ladies because we ALL want our children treated accordingly!

The Black Racist

Posted on July 23, 2010 by The Black Couple

Derrick: I googled the speech by Shirley Sherrod to see what all the fuss is about and decide for myself whether it was all much ado about nothing. Watching the video, Mrs. Sherrod clearly outlined a situation she had, waaaay back in the day, with an arrogant White farmer. I was looking for racial epithets or harsh words, however there were none! FOX News (the poster child for white racism in the media) made this lady out to be a cold-blooded hater of the White Man!

This situation prompted the question of today: Can the minority be racist?

I say yes we can. I have heard many Black folks say harsh words about White folks. You cannot group the majority into one group and label them, like you may feel they do the minorities because of isolated events. I understand White folks have done terrible things to Black folks but hating them or being prejudice against them hasn’t and won’t make anything better!

I’ve had White folks hinder my progress but so do other Black folks. My point is anyone attempting to stop the progression of me and mine is a racist regardless of color.

Chris Rock said it best, “It’s the media, the media. When I go to the ATM machine at night I’m not worried about the media, I’m not looking over my shoulder for Mike Wallace, I’m looking for N*ggas.” When I got robbed by another Black man at gun point and my life flashed in front of my eyes, the racist that confronted me that day was Black. If he would have been white, yellow, or green it wouldn’t have mattered. All that EVER matters is; when my life is placed another man’s hands, will he look at me based on my merit or my skin tone?

I’ve been in jobs in where, though I was completely qualified and my White counterpart was not, he was promoted over me by my White boss. That was racism. As you see a racist can come in all forms, shapes, and sizes, color is irrelevant.

Black on Black prejudice happens every day and we merely brush it off. I’ve heard Black men saying they believe ALL dark-skinned women are ugly. I’ve seen Black women treat their darkest child differently than their lighter children and given them different sets of standards and expectations (so sad, so sad). It seems that most rappers are fascinated with everything “red or yellow boned” and teaching younger boys that anything too brown is over cooked and won’t do. This “Black on Black racism” must stop!

A White man calling me “N*GGER” and a Black man calling me, “Brotha” in a professional setting both have the potential to hinder my progress and that’s racism. “DEVIL get behind me!”